How to find healing and resolution after sexual violence. Five Things You Need to Know
The statistics for sexual violence are staggering. The more vulnerable the age or the person is, the more exposed we all are to the risk of being preyed on. Between sexual harassment, molestation, childhood sexual abuse, incest, date rape, sexual violence by an intimate partner, and sexual assault, there are soooo many people living with the effects of sexual violence in their past or in their present. So, how do you find healing and resolution for what happened to you?
Five Things You Need to Know
1. You don’t have to carry the burden of shame, silence, and isolation.
Shame keeps violating our sense of dignity, long after the sexual act is over. The very thought of talking about what happened to you can be the very thing that makes you not want to talk about it at all. Having said that, it’s important to balance your need for privacy with your need for support. Recognize that silence and isolation keep each other intact. Finding the right person to talk to can help you begin to understand and think about what happened to you, in a very different way.
2. You are not alone. You should not have to go through this alone.
Consider who you might talk to. Choose someone who you feel 100% safe with and who you trust completely. When you disclose this, you don’t want to inadvertently have to deal with a response that is surprising (in a bad way), insensitive or uneducated. Also, confide in someone, only when you feel ready. That way, even if that person can’t be as supportive as you need them to be, you are in a better place to be able to handle that situation and that conversation.
Another option is to seek help from a trained, licensed professional counselor or social worker. This type of professional is legally and professionally bound to hold everything you tell them in confidence. Also, a counselor is trained to hear you with acceptance and respect and to see you as a whole person, without judgment.
3. You are not damaged, guilty, or dirty.
Many others have been through what you went through and are experiencing what you are going through now. Consider joining a support group. Connecting with others helps us learn more about ourselves. Hearing and identifying with other people’s stories helps us shed those lingering, ugly feelings. Also, learning from others and having others learn from you, is empowering.
Finding a support group can be challenging. Try looking in these places:
· Contact your local Rape Crisis Center.
· Do a Google search for support organizations and groups from your county or state. Many public organizations and non-profits use grant money to provide support groups.
· Contact your local chapter of United Way.
· Look online for resources from Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) at https://hotline.rainn.org/online. You can find support, information, advice, or a referral from their website, hotline, chat box or mobile app.
4. Knowledge is power.
Educate yourself about sexual violence. Shop for a book or a podcast that addresses healing and survivorship in a way that speaks to you. A healthier, more balanced knowledge of sexual violence can lead to thoughts about yourself and about what happened to you, that are more clear and more accurate. In turn, healthier thinking can lead to you experiencing more positive emotions. Ultimately, education can help you be kinder and gentler to your wounded, but precious, wonderful self.
5. Healing comes, in part, from good self-care.
This may be a time where you need more TLC, more attention, more resources, and more help. Don’t neglect your own needs. Budget the time, money, and energy to pursue your healing. Invest in professional therapy. Journal. Meditate. Plan quality time to be around the people you love and who love you.
Healing and finding resolution is a journey. Help is out there. I hope you will start accessing the tools and people who can make a difference.
See Coping and Self-Care Strategies for Survivors of Sexual Violence on this blog.