Coping and Self-Care Strategies for Survivors of Sexual Violence

Belleruth Naparstek, in her book, Invisible Heroes, presents a novel way to think about trauma.  She says, “I think heroes are people who do good or necessary things at great personal cost. Heroism must be judged by the courage and grit required to do what needs doing. That’s why trauma—that great terrorizer—produces heroes. No one has to override fear the way a trauma survivor does.”

One of the most important things Napaestwk says here is that it takes courage to do what needs doing.  There are so many, small, quiet things that, to a survivor of sexual violence, can feel overwhelming.  Survivors move through the motions of everyday life knowing that, at any moment, their heart can start racing and their stomach can start churning.

Recovery starts with good self-care.  I understand that most adults have multiple things going on at the same time.  We are responsible for so many things and people, that we get used to putting our own needs last. This is an important time for other things to wait or get scaled back so that you can tend to the wounds of an extremely important you. Making these choices is part of mustering together your “courage and grit to do what needs doing”.  Please don’t put this off.

Another obstacle to good self care, is the tendency to withdraw from others. Social isolation may feel like the path of least resistance, but in the long run, it is not helpful. We humans are a social breed. Even the person who loves their solitude, also needs connection. Especially now. It’s ok to be quiet and it’s ok to be still, if that’s what you need. But don’t cut yourself off from others. We should always be wise about who we spend our time with. So, stay in relationship with people who value you.

Below is my checklist of strategies for coping and self-care. Go down the checklist.  Choose one small thing and one big thing you can commit to. As time goes on, pick one or two more strategies.  Add those to your healing journey. 

Remember, the passage of time may make new pain turn dull or grow stale, but it’s really what you do during the passage of time, that creates healing. 

Coping and Self-Care Strategies for Survivors of Sexual Violence

__  Consider who you might talk to.

Choose someone who you feel safe with and who you trust to receive you with empathy.  When you disclose this, you don’t want to inadvertently have to deal with a response that is insensitive or uneducated.

__  Another option is to seek help from a trained, licensed professional counselor or social worker. A counselor is trained to nurture the therapeutic relationship.  They see you as a whole person, without judgment. They can hear you with compassion and respect.

__  Consider joining a support group.

Hearing and identifying with other people’s stories help us shed those lingering, ugly feelings. Connecting with others can be healing and empowering.

__  Educate yourself about sexual violence.

Shop for a book or a podcast that addresses healing and survivorship in a way that speaks to you.

__  Journal

__  Meditate; Find a guided meditation on Mindful.org or use an app.

__ Make the commitment to get enough sleep.

__ Bake bread.

__ Ride a bike.

__  Garden

__  Soak in a hot tub.

__ Try juicing.

__  Take a quick walk.

__ Play solitaire.

__  Take photographs.

__  Paint your nails.

__  Play an instrument.

__ Write a poem or read a poem.

__ Visit your favorite relative.

__ Visit a body of water. Feed ducks, watch the birds or wade in.

__ Call someone you love talking to, just to catch up. Make it a Zoom call.

__ Organize something.

__ Cook your favorite meal.

__  Play with your pet.

__ Take a joy ride.

__ Hold a baby.

__ Work on a puzzle.

__ Rearrange your furniture.

__ Find a buddy and play tennis or ping pong.

__ Learn more about something you’ve always been interested in, like history, economics or art.

__ Stand outside for a few minutes. Notice the warm sun or the gentle breeze. Look at trees.

__ Reminisce with your sibling or a cousin about the fun times you shared as kids. Ask them what their favorite childhood memory is and tell them yours.

__  Take up something you’ve always wanted to do, like piano lessons, pottery or riding horses.

__  Hug your kids, your partner, your parent or that person who was a parent to you.

__  Do a relaxation exercise from an app.

__ Share a meal with your favorite friend.

__ Watch the sun go down.

__  Take mini breaks for deep, slow breaths.

__ Have a conversation with an older person.

__  Watch videos or listen to a podcast that makes you laugh out loud.

__  Plan quality time to be with the people you love and who love you. 

__  Listen to music, as therapy. 

__  Sing, as therapy.

__  Do yoga, as therapy.

__ Draw, as therapy.

__  Exercise, as therapy.

__  Everyone has an activity they are passionate about. What’s yours?

Even if it’s something you haven’t done in years, like twirling a baton, playing basketball, crotchet, or ice skating.  Dust it off and do it now. 

This is a time when you need to prioritize yourself. Budget the time, money and energy to pursue your healing.  Be the hero that champions your own healthy recovery.